I'm Your Friend so I will tell you

What are normal expectations in a friendship? You can, and should, absolutely expect that your friend would want to spend time with you. You expect empathy and sympathy when you are hurting. You expect your friend would want to celebrate your good fortune. And you expect your friend to tell you when you have spinach in your teeth, because a friend who loves you should want to boost your esteem in the eyes of others.

A friend is someone who regards you with affection and trust, has your back, and supports you. She  honors her commitments and is loyal and trustworthy. She keeps your confidences and would never hurt or harm you deliberately. If a misunderstanding leads to hurt feelings, she apologizes. A friend takes care of you after “procedures.” She does favors without keeping score. It's a given that, over an extended period of time, all favors will balance out.  
 

Can you imagine two people who don’t like each other being friends? Obviously there can be no friendship if there is mutual dislike because friendship is reciprocal. There can be no friendship if two people have never really had the chance to build a relationship. True friendship comes when we spend time together, share experiences, and give each other support. Companionship is what friendships are based on.

When someone professes to be your friend but they don’t behave in any of the ways mentioned above, she may never have been your friend at all. She may have been using you, and only pretending to like you. She may just be a simple acquaintance. Know the difference between someone you call friend, and someone who is an acquaintance. It could possibly save you sadness later. Putting yourself out to someone who doesn't know how to reciprocate and hasn't proven any sort of friendship can lead to an awful lot of disappointment. (More about that in future columns.)

Most of us, at one time or another, have had that one person in our lives that we saw through rose-colored glasses. The person who everyone else thought was bad news, and told us so. For whatever reason, we really wanted her friendship. Oprah often refers to Maya Angelou's quote "When a man tells you who he is, believe him." The same can be said in friendship.

You really have the right to expect certain things from a friend. And then there are the things that you should never expect because they will certainly lead to major disappointment. What are those things? We all have our opinions of course, but some truths are universal. It’s my humble opinion from years of observation, the number one expectation that will let us down time and time again. . .is coming up in the next column.

Special thanks to my sister Judi who contributed to this column and reminded me about that really great quote.